the last day of freedom
i didn't really do much today. the highlight was most definately the mini sledding adventure. me and a couple of lady friends decided to go sledding on our last day before school starts. we went to target because they wanted to buy some stuff and get sleds. we mosey around the store for what seemed to be an eternity. i can only imagine how my friend "beatrice" felt... she had to go poo. real bad. i kept on joking with her and made her laugh quite a bit. this displeased her. displeased is a word? maybe? ah fuck it. she kept telling me to not make her laugh because that could cause her to release her bowels. or something. anyways we get to the check out and her line is moving incredibly slow. this made my happy. i encouraged her to hold her anus so no feces would accidentally squirt from her bum. she declined repeatedly. she finally makes it to the bathroom. no spills or nothin. an elderly man, probably 75 maybe 80 walks towards me. he turns to me and says, "i hope she makes it" and continues to walk on by. i nearly shat myself when i heard that. it was so friggin awesome. Beatrice gets out of the bathroom, i tell her what happened and she laughs. my other friend "yolanda" walks up to us a few moments later. she tells us that there was a woman outside the bathroom who most likely vomited in her mouth, then once more seconds later. random, yet awesome.
so we leave target and get to the sledding hill. it's quite unimpressive. the hill is partially covered in snow slush, at best. there is more torn up earth and mud than snow but we're determined to sled. i deside to ride the tundra on a sled gravyard picked, half circular half mangled piece of plastic. because i'm a mother f-in pro, i decide that this hill would be conquered by me while standing. i have found that sledding in this manner is much more enjoyable than the seated method. my first few runs were decent. i made some good spills like usual. it would have been great if there was snow to break my fall, but there wasn't. i'd be goin down fine until i hit a patch of mud or grass. my sweet board would catch the rough ground then toss me down the hill. the falls weren't that bad until i KO'd myself. i was cruisin down the hill, got turned around and was still movin pretty fast. i'm standing on this shit ass piece of plastic while facing the top of the hill. normally when this happens i would catch a grass patch, the board would stop and i would go flying. this time was different. i guess i leaned a little too far forward and the sled squirted out from under me. this launched my feet and put me horizontal. i tried to break my fall with my arms so not to break my face. well, i got my hand out but it was in a fist for some strange reason. i basically gave my right eye a left hook. when i fell i punched my stupid asian face with my left hand. fuck. while walking back my friend Yolanda says to me "my nose is running". then like every little child, she tasted her upper lip with her tongue. hahaha it was fantastic.
my last day of freedom was capped off with a trip to Cici's. Cici's is second to heaven in awesomeness. this is a place where you can eat as much pizza, pasta, salad, and dessert as you want and only pay $4. who cares about all the other shit, $4 for all you can eat pizza? i say hell yes. i decided that i would only eat pizza. you know, see how many pieces i could eat. i managed to polish off 12 slices. not too shabby considering that instead of going for more i ate 2 pieces of desert apple something pizza and one cinnimon bun. Cici's is my santuary.
"i eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast."
so we leave target and get to the sledding hill. it's quite unimpressive. the hill is partially covered in snow slush, at best. there is more torn up earth and mud than snow but we're determined to sled. i deside to ride the tundra on a sled gravyard picked, half circular half mangled piece of plastic. because i'm a mother f-in pro, i decide that this hill would be conquered by me while standing. i have found that sledding in this manner is much more enjoyable than the seated method. my first few runs were decent. i made some good spills like usual. it would have been great if there was snow to break my fall, but there wasn't. i'd be goin down fine until i hit a patch of mud or grass. my sweet board would catch the rough ground then toss me down the hill. the falls weren't that bad until i KO'd myself. i was cruisin down the hill, got turned around and was still movin pretty fast. i'm standing on this shit ass piece of plastic while facing the top of the hill. normally when this happens i would catch a grass patch, the board would stop and i would go flying. this time was different. i guess i leaned a little too far forward and the sled squirted out from under me. this launched my feet and put me horizontal. i tried to break my fall with my arms so not to break my face. well, i got my hand out but it was in a fist for some strange reason. i basically gave my right eye a left hook. when i fell i punched my stupid asian face with my left hand. fuck. while walking back my friend Yolanda says to me "my nose is running". then like every little child, she tasted her upper lip with her tongue. hahaha it was fantastic.
my last day of freedom was capped off with a trip to Cici's. Cici's is second to heaven in awesomeness. this is a place where you can eat as much pizza, pasta, salad, and dessert as you want and only pay $4. who cares about all the other shit, $4 for all you can eat pizza? i say hell yes. i decided that i would only eat pizza. you know, see how many pieces i could eat. i managed to polish off 12 slices. not too shabby considering that instead of going for more i ate 2 pieces of desert apple something pizza and one cinnimon bun. Cici's is my santuary.
"i eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast."
posted by icon at 1:21 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home