rekindling fond memories of past

me and The Jeffrey were having one of our usual intellectual conversations on aol's instant messanger. we were debating whether the Super Size bag was the largest bag of Doritos (in my case i was eating Munchies, the best snack ever- it's a mixture of Doritos, Cheetos, Pretzels and Sun Chips.) or Mega Size was. i'm inclined to believe MEGA-SIZE (that's how it's printed on the bag) is the largest back of snack produced by Frito-Lays. anways. i'm also talking to my roomate who is um.. in my room.
he asks me "mike, have you ever had any surgery?". kind of random but i answer his query. "yea, i had a hernia when i was 6 months old". he responds, "so you had surgery on your groin?" this is my opportunity. i pounce. "yea ...i don't know what the surgery was all about. all i know is i don't have testicles now. i just have a penis." he whips around in his chair to look at me with his eyes bulging out of his head, "REALLY? oh my god. are you serious?" i look at him laugh but then pull it back to not ruin this sweet opportunity. i straighten the look on my face and say, "yeah."
this is perfect because i have an on going joke about my itty bitty penis. you know the asian stereotype. i tell The Jeffrey about last semester when i duped this kid into believing i had the world's smallest penis. conversations with me always turn perverted. i make fun of my small asian penis when something mildly sexual comes into conversation. i told this kid last semester (who is now my roomate) that my penis is about the size of my pinky finger nail. he inquires details. he asks if i'm serious and of course i say i am. i say how depressing it is. girls hate me because i have a pimple surrounded by pubes.
he is in disbelief but accepts this sad "truth". he consols me, sort of, and says how sorry he is that i have such a small penis. that alone is kind of weird. but whatever. it gets weirder. or more weird. whatever.
he kept asking me about my small penis so i tell him, "it's so small that there is no difference between me being flacid and erect." this baffles him. he's like "what? you don't get hard?" i say to him "well, i get excited and stuff, but my penis doesn't get any bigger. it's just a little nub." he asks me next, "well, how do you pee?" i tell him, i just kind of lean my body towards the toilet then pee. "i don't hold it or anything. i just point and shoot." his facial expression just says "WOW".
he's intrigued.
we're in the study lounge on our floor and he has his laptop with him. he starts researching small penises. mind you, he's not reading about them. he's looking at them. he finds a slew of pictures. he's mezmorized by all of the tiny penises on his screen. one of the pictures had some text with it and explained the photo to be of a "micro penis". apparently micro penis is a medical condition. haha. this makes my lie that much better.
he looks at me and says, "mike, did you know that micro penis is a condition?" i had no idea. he turns his laptop to face me and fullscreen on his computer is a man and his micro penis. FUCKIN EW! i swear he must have looked at different pictures of different men with micro penises for a half hour. maybe longer. it was so freakin disturbing and hilarious at the same time.
imagine this. i have micro penis, a friggin pimple sized penis, and no testicles. this is what he thinks i hide in my pants. The Jeffrey gave me a pretty awesome idea:
"ok so this is what you do. get him way drunk. when he passes out, teabag the shit out of him. then take pictures and say, "JUST KIDDING BITCH".

crap this is just way too much fun.


"one man's waste is another man's... soap."