wowwie zowwie
so my page has been viewed over 1000 times. hahaha. you people are sick. i believe i have the perfect entry to commemorate (sp) this milestone in my blogging career. so here goes.
as you folks might now, i, Tenzil (you can call me Tenz) am very fond of consuming foods. it is my passion. nothing is more enjoyable than going to a buffett and eating myself sick.
i live in the dorms this year (fuckin dorms). i hate it, "but, and this is a big but"...(name that obscure movie quote and i will fellate you) in my dorm, we have this crazy place called a dining hall. in this wonderful room you can get as much food as you want. then eat it. granted, the food is sub-par. it's still free f-in food (hooray for alliteration). all i gotta do is swipe my lil card and i get to eat foods. it's fantastic.
like usual, i ate a crap load of food (hehe... i'm so clever. you'll see why shortly.) during lunch. i had a quesadilla, a bacon cheesy burger, and a pile of french fried potoatoes. it was dorm dining at its best. ok. once i got back to my room, i sat in my chair for about 2 minutes. then it was time.
like clockwork, my body needed to expel the excess food that i had consumed (i'm fat. so don't worry about an eating disorder.). i waltzed into my huge ass handi-capped bathroom and sat on the stool. i braced myself (we have hand rails.. you know cuz cripples need that shit to, well, shit.) for the crap of a lifetime. little did i know, this shit would change my life.
after a solid (haha. i'm so immature.) minute of rectal thrusting, my mission was complete. i like to call that type of dump "the power dump". it was one long, smooth motion (can this get more disgusting?) and got done rather quickly. like always, i stood up just above the throne to check out my digested meal. don't say "eww" because you know you do it too. it's like intuition or something. you can't wipe before you look at your shit. you just can't. i looked at my crap and was in awe. i marveled at the sight.
it was so impressive that i nearly got up without wiping my ass and grabbed my phone (which was on my desk) to take a picture of it. then i thought.. hm. i'm about to take a photograph of my feces. that's a bit wierd. so this drawing will have to suffice.
now imagine this. you're sitting on the stool. your name is mike. then you slightly stand up, so that you hover above the can. you look down and you see a large unbroken crap log in the shape of an M!!!! MY CRAP WAS IN THE SHAPE OF AN M!!!!!
wow. it was so incredible. i must have sat on the crapper for 5 minutes before finally wiping myself clean. i didn't know what to do. i couldn't help but stare at it. me and my M shaped poo. what a great day this will be.
"i eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast"
as you folks might now, i, Tenzil (you can call me Tenz) am very fond of consuming foods. it is my passion. nothing is more enjoyable than going to a buffett and eating myself sick.
i live in the dorms this year (fuckin dorms). i hate it, "but, and this is a big but"...(name that obscure movie quote and i will fellate you) in my dorm, we have this crazy place called a dining hall. in this wonderful room you can get as much food as you want. then eat it. granted, the food is sub-par. it's still free f-in food (hooray for alliteration). all i gotta do is swipe my lil card and i get to eat foods. it's fantastic.
like usual, i ate a crap load of food (hehe... i'm so clever. you'll see why shortly.) during lunch. i had a quesadilla, a bacon cheesy burger, and a pile of french fried potoatoes. it was dorm dining at its best. ok. once i got back to my room, i sat in my chair for about 2 minutes. then it was time.
like clockwork, my body needed to expel the excess food that i had consumed (i'm fat. so don't worry about an eating disorder.). i waltzed into my huge ass handi-capped bathroom and sat on the stool. i braced myself (we have hand rails.. you know cuz cripples need that shit to, well, shit.) for the crap of a lifetime. little did i know, this shit would change my life.
after a solid (haha. i'm so immature.) minute of rectal thrusting, my mission was complete. i like to call that type of dump "the power dump". it was one long, smooth motion (can this get more disgusting?) and got done rather quickly. like always, i stood up just above the throne to check out my digested meal. don't say "eww" because you know you do it too. it's like intuition or something. you can't wipe before you look at your shit. you just can't. i looked at my crap and was in awe. i marveled at the sight.
it was so impressive that i nearly got up without wiping my ass and grabbed my phone (which was on my desk) to take a picture of it. then i thought.. hm. i'm about to take a photograph of my feces. that's a bit wierd. so this drawing will have to suffice.
now imagine this. you're sitting on the stool. your name is mike. then you slightly stand up, so that you hover above the can. you look down and you see a large unbroken crap log in the shape of an M!!!! MY CRAP WAS IN THE SHAPE OF AN M!!!!!
wow. it was so incredible. i must have sat on the crapper for 5 minutes before finally wiping myself clean. i didn't know what to do. i couldn't help but stare at it. me and my M shaped poo. what a great day this will be.
"i eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast"
posted by icon at 2:28 PM
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