mary vaginas
so i made a "prank" call last night. a prank that i call a prank only because of failure. i got intoxicated with some very important folks last night. after the drinks i was feeling like a smoke would be the perfect night cap. a smoke that comes from a marijuana cigarette. nothing was panning out. it was near impossible to strike gold (green in this case) at 2 in the am. so my buddy had a bright idea. he told me to call mad mushroom pizza.
mad mushroom employs hippies and people who eat mad mushroom are often pot smokers. so i called them up and talked to some random guy. i ask him if he knew anywhere i could get some green. he's like "yeah. but my guy is out of town. sorry man." he gave me that candy coated pile of poo. we got off the phone and my hopes of quenching the thirst i had for mary jane were crushed by reality.
about 5 minutes later my phone rang. it was mad mushroom pizza. the guy was tee'd off. he was all like, "don't call here looking for pot." he said more things but i was drunk and i don't recall much. i remember saying...
"dude, what are you talking about?"
"don't play stupid. you know exactly what i'm talking about."
"uh, no i don't."
"blah blah blah i'm a big sand covered vagina."
i'm bored with this. i just typed a "well... i guess you had to be there" story. so i'll redeem myself with this tasty little morsal from my life.
i was at a trudy's apt. she was chilling with ferguson on the balcony. they asked me if i heard the people next door knockin boots. i didn't. they told me that while they were chilling, they heard a girl scream, "I'M GOING TO EXPLODE!!!" this was most definately during intercourse because they heard sex noises prior to the exclamation.
my first thoughts... if i dated a girl and porked her, the last thing (well maybe not the last, but close enough) i'd want to hear is her scream out "i'm going to explode." i'd probably bust my jaw laughing and then go flacid in the process. hm.
all this talk about sex makes me think. my penis sure could use a good work out right about now. my penis in a hot vagina equals awesomeness. ferguson thinks that vaginas smell like mud butt that hasn't been washed in a week. that is precisely the smell we smelt on route to purchase wine. yuck. if that's what vaginas smelled like, no one would reproduce. i'd almost rather put my meat in a blender than pork roast beef curtains that have long past their expiration date (i'm rather proud of that sentance).
sniff you jerks later.
mad mushroom employs hippies and people who eat mad mushroom are often pot smokers. so i called them up and talked to some random guy. i ask him if he knew anywhere i could get some green. he's like "yeah. but my guy is out of town. sorry man." he gave me that candy coated pile of poo. we got off the phone and my hopes of quenching the thirst i had for mary jane were crushed by reality.
about 5 minutes later my phone rang. it was mad mushroom pizza. the guy was tee'd off. he was all like, "don't call here looking for pot." he said more things but i was drunk and i don't recall much. i remember saying...
"dude, what are you talking about?"
"don't play stupid. you know exactly what i'm talking about."
"uh, no i don't."
"blah blah blah i'm a big sand covered vagina."
i'm bored with this. i just typed a "well... i guess you had to be there" story. so i'll redeem myself with this tasty little morsal from my life.
i was at a trudy's apt. she was chilling with ferguson on the balcony. they asked me if i heard the people next door knockin boots. i didn't. they told me that while they were chilling, they heard a girl scream, "I'M GOING TO EXPLODE!!!" this was most definately during intercourse because they heard sex noises prior to the exclamation.
my first thoughts... if i dated a girl and porked her, the last thing (well maybe not the last, but close enough) i'd want to hear is her scream out "i'm going to explode." i'd probably bust my jaw laughing and then go flacid in the process. hm.
all this talk about sex makes me think. my penis sure could use a good work out right about now. my penis in a hot vagina equals awesomeness. ferguson thinks that vaginas smell like mud butt that hasn't been washed in a week. that is precisely the smell we smelt on route to purchase wine. yuck. if that's what vaginas smelled like, no one would reproduce. i'd almost rather put my meat in a blender than pork roast beef curtains that have long past their expiration date (i'm rather proud of that sentance).
sniff you jerks later.
posted by icon at 11:25 PM
1 Comments:
as usual you humour me to no end. however, i have one slight correction to make and you can flog me for it all you want.
i'd almost rather put my meat in a blender than pork roast beef curtains that have long past their expiration date (i'm rather proud of that sentance).
"past" should be "passed"
yeah, i know. but that's me.
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